Heh heh, I just realized I made a punny...
Ok, so about two Sundays ago I was called and sustained to my new calling (one of the four I now have, ahem): Building Security.
Basically I head over to our chapel at (or anytime after, I'm guessing) 10:30pm to secure the building. Make sure doors are locked, windows locked, etc.
After tonight I think I know why I'm supposed to have this calling: too many scary movies growing up.
Here's the routine:
1) Pull up and park right next to the sidewalk leading to the door-which I always want to do on Sundays, but it's not really a parking space.
2) Walk swiftly to the door, making sure not to look into the dark hallway because maybe, just maybe, I'll see...something.
3) As soon as the door is unlocked, reach as quickly as possible for light switch to illuminate the hall...ahhh, sigh of relief.
4) Open door to cultural hall and prop it open. The light from the hall is less uncomfortable than the eerie green glow from the Exit sign on the far side of the cultural hall. Yeah I know there's also a safety light over there, but hey...
5) Walk over to double doors: check.
6) Check kitchen door, reminding self that the noise coming from the kitchen is probably just an automatic fan kicking on somewhere.
7) Walk back over to the door I left propped open. Crossing the darkened cultural hall with the eerie green light was not possible tonight because the other ward had left things set up for some kind of community yard sale, I think.
8) Head towards the south side of the building. Check doors facing west: check.
9) Turn on south hallway lights.
10) Open nursery door, check windows.
11) Other classroom windows on south side.
12) South doors checked.
13) Turn off south hallway light and (gulp) head towards the chapel.
14) Open doors to chapel. Very dark. Only light I can see (or choose to see) is another eerily green Exit sign. Notice strong smell of...old man smell? What is that smell?
15) Whew, made it through the dark chapel to the north side of the building.
16) Walk quickly to light switch: switch on.
17) Head up stairs towards Primary wing of building. Another hallway light switch turned on.
18) Check all the windows. I make sure to drag my feet all the way so as to make noise that I recognize.
19) I usually decide to start whistling a tune on this side of the chapel.
20) The Primary room is all secure.
21) I pause in the room with the CTR shields up on the wall, reminding myself what the building is for and checking to see if any of my kids' names are on there. Nope.
22) The upstairs bathroom, boys bathroom. Motion sensor light switch. I hate that the one stall door is closed, and try not to think about it because that's not my job to check the stall, right?
23) Turn off upstairs hallway light.
24) Downstairs to the Relief Society part of the building.
25) More windows to check. Try not to see faces in the windows looking in.
26) Relief Society room. Why do I suddenly think of Night of the Living Dead? Pshaw...and then I hurriedly walk AWAY from the curtained door and windows.
27) Downstairs bathroom, ladies room. Another motion sensor light. Only go in far enough to see that window is locked.
28) Off with that hallway light.
29) Around the corner to the outside doors facing north that go right into the parking lot. I don't linger here because the, um, darkness that emanates from the stage.
30) Head back over to the west facing doors on this side of the chapel. Turn off the lights, try to ignore what sounds like a door shutting somewhere else in the building, and curse the hydraulic thingamajiggy that doesn't let the door shut fast enough.
31) Eyes on the door that goes into the chapel right by the sacrament table. Eyes ONLY on the door. Check.
32) Turn and walk around the north side of the chapel, double checking doors along the way. Again, avoiding any possible eye contact with...um...the inside of the chapel.
33) Up the outside stairs to the Primary room. No eye contact.
34) Back around the chapel towards the East side, where I started.
35) Check the kitchen door. Check the double doors to the cultural hall.
36) Head on back to the first door I entered. Key into lock, open door, reach in to turn off the light, bound down the steps to, uh, get back home quickly.
37) Get into car, check back seats. You never know.
38) Drive around south side, stop car. Leave it running. Double check south facing doors and the west facing doors on this side of building. DO NOT LOOK INTO CHAPEL.
39) Speedwalk back to car because it's, um, so cold outside.
40) Drive away back to the safety of my own home.
